I Might Be A Morning Person

Anyone who really knows me is going to be shocked by the title of this post because I LOVE sleep. I will tell anyone that asks me that I think I am still sleep deprived from when Luke was born...and I am only half joking. He didn't sleep at all (just screamed his tiny little head off) for 4 straight months. I probably averaged anywhere from 2-4 nonconsecutive hours of sleep in a 24 hour period for those 4 months. I will cut him some slack though...he was a preemie with some health issues so it wasn't his true disposition...anyone who knows him can attest to this. Anyway, I digress...

For about the past month I have been faithfully getting up at 6:45 to read my Bible, pray, and have coffee in peace. Can I just say that it has been amazingly fruitful and has restored my soul in so many ways. I wanted to blog about this for a while, but I feel like God is just now releasing me to be public about our morning date because there is a back story to it.

In hoping to be transparent but not overly blunt, I will briefly tell you about the back story. About 2 years ago, I was a Preschool Ministry Director for a church. It was the hardest job in the world. The church that I served decided to let me go as an employee, and I was devastated. I felt like a close family member died when this happened, and I felt betrayed by the pastor at the church where I served for a number of reasons. We ultimately left the church and now go to Fellowship of Frisco.

Over the past 2 years I have been seriously struggling spiritually. I struggled in my daily walk, with trusting church authority, and with trusting God. Most of all, I have struggled with forgiving the leadership of the church that I previously served. I have literally walked the last 2 years with bitterness, hurt, and unforgiveness in my heart. For 2 years I thought I was okay, but I am not. God pushed all of my struggles to the surface about 6 weeks ago and forced me to start the forgiving process. It's been hard because I tend to hold onto things, but God has shown me that hanging on to the things of the past just keep me prisoner to the very things that I have left behind.

Each morning I wake up, turn the coffee on, and open my Bible. I read for about an hour every morning and then spend time in prayer. Through the last month God has done miraculous things in my heart. I have been able to forgive what has been holding me captive for the past two years and find God in a more personal way than ever. So, I think I might be a morning person because my date with God is BY FAR my favorite part of the day. I literally wake up and can't wait to get out of bed. When I pray, I feel like God is literally sitting next to me instead of feeling like my prayers hit the ceiling of my house and bouncing back down to me. My life is so much richer and sweeter than it was 6 weeks ago. Praise God for sanctification! Praise God for being faithful to his word. Praise God for loving me enough to push me through this painful process that I am still going through. Praise God for getting my lazy bum out of bed every morning to be in his presence.

I would urge you (if you're still reading this gargantuan post) to allow God to push all your junk to the surface to be dealt with. He will walk with you through every second of it. He will not leave you, and he will make all things right. He is the only one who can make everything right. I pray that if you have things hidden in your heart that God would make them known to you so that you can deal with your junk and experience him and see him more clearly. It's worth every second of sleep I am missing, and I used to really love sleep. I can promise you that.